Totally Toddler

We are just days from the 18 month mark and I'm laying here listening to our sweet girl snoring after having asked me to read the same five books over a dozen times each before finally succumbing to sleep and I can't help but reminisce about how much our sweet Baby Bug has changed since her first birthday!

Today was the day that I realized that my baby has officially become a toddler and left babyhood behind. This makes me sad because those bitty baby months went by so fast, but I am so excited about the person our sweet Baby Bug is growing into.

Toddlerhood is full of messes, giggles, defiance, and exploration. And each of these things has challenged me to look at the world through the eyes of my sweet girl and has encouraged me to slow down to see what may be causing her to feel upset.

By far my favorite part of toddlerhood has been watching Baby Bug explore the world around her. From her first major snow to literally climbing to new heights!

We've had so much snow this year and Bug, unlike myself, has loved every moment. She loved crunching the snow piles with her boots, picking up handfuls to take giant bites, and plopping down to sit and dig. She smiles each time she sees snow falling from the sky as she yells "bubbles". But I am so ready for warm air and blowing actual bubbles outside!

Baby Bug also loves climbing, much to the stress of my heart, and I have a running joke that she is going to have a major injury by her second birthday! Nearly everyday she tempts that fate by jumping from all of the surfaces of our home and constantly coming close to requiring a visit to Urgent Care.

If you haven't gathered by now, I have a very driven and independent child with an incredibly strong will. She is determined to do things on her own, gets frustrated when she fails, but then gets up and tries again. She rarely gives up on completeing a task once she has started it and has so much excitement when she accomplishes a task on her own.

Our current battle of the wills is keeping our clothes on while out in public and wearing a diaper while we are home. Baby Bug loves being naked and keeping pants on as we grocery shop or walk around Target is a major challenge for us. My hope is that this is the start of being interested in potty training since she loves sitting on her potty, but I know we still have a ways to go before she is truly ready. 

All of this to say that while I am sad to say goodbye to babyhood, I am so excited about our new adventure with a toddler who is constantly doing the most!

It Won't Be Like This For Long

In the age of social media, moms have so much pressure to perform on certain timelines. He should be sitting up now, what do you mean he isn't reaching for everything, he should have started solids months ago, or oh no he's not walking yet have you talked to your pediatrician? Not every timeline matches every baby, but does that stop us from comparing ourselves to others or do we just continue to have that mommy guilt or that mommy shame that goes along with our child not "performing" like those around us.

I recently met with baby bug's teacher for a parent teacher conference and she pointed out that I use the phrase "mommy shame" often when telling her about things that aren't quite the norm and she reminded me that I don't need to feel that shame for any of my choices. Most recently I said I have to admit my mommy shame that Baby Bug os still taking a bottle of milk before going to bed at night. That's right my 16 month old who's gaining weight fine is eating solids fine is still on a bottle at night. I would be more ashamed of this but her teacher told me that I need to stop because sometimes we do what we have to do to survive. In the world of being a parent there is no "well I'm going to make you do this because I've got all the time in the world" it's "I'm going to let you do this because I'm exhausted or I'm going to do this for you because we need to go." We don't have an infinite timeline and we don't all operate on Toddler Time. And while that would be wonderful it's not realistic so we do what we have to do to survive.

Covered in Oreo because mom had a migraine and Baby Bug wouldn't stop screaming on the car ride home. 

Some days I wonder am I doing this right and man this is hard as hell, but then I'm reminded by somebody amazing who I work with or who I encounter in my life who reminds me that I am doing it right that I am doing a good job because what I'm doing is what my baby needs not what a book says she needs not what some timeline says she should be doing but I'm meeting her where she is and doing what we need to do for what's best for our family. While that may sound more selfish than helpful, and it probably is, it's what we do.  It's how we've made it through this last 16 months with some of our sanity still intact.

We need to stop stressing about having our child be the first to do this or the first to do that and just enjoy them as they are right now. And the same goes for how we are as moms, we need to stop comparing how we feel about being a mom to how others feel about being a mom. Some moms say that they are always happy about motherhood and that is great. Others are more my speed and love their children with every part of them, but can use a break every once in a while.

Our days are messy and imperfect and hard, but that doesn't mean I don't love this wild and crazy kid of mine!

Being a mom can be hard when you have a child that is a bit higher need; one who is waking up every few hours through the night for the entire first year (and for months beyond that), a child who is sick often or who has food allergies, or just a child who isn't immediately compliant at every turn and has an occasional meltdown in the middle of Target. And not always being happy during these times is ok. Feeling all done at the end of the day (or by lunchtime) is ok. And it's also ok and healthy to get out of the house and focus on you every once in a while. This can be hard to accept sometimes, especially with PPD or PPA, but it is the best way to stay sane during those hard times.

All of this to say, STOP COMPARING YOURSELF TO OTHER MOMS! And STOP COMPARING YOUR BABY TO OTHER BABIES! Yes, keep an eye on the developmental timelines and talk with your pediatrician if you are worried. But also remember that every child is different and things will happen when they happen. 

And most importantly, try to enjoy these moments with your child as they are right now. The days are long, but the years are short (one of my favorite things said about parenting). Your littles won't be little forever and it won't be this tough forever...I hope!