It Won't Be Like This For Long

In the age of social media, moms have so much pressure to perform on certain timelines. He should be sitting up now, what do you mean he isn't reaching for everything, he should have started solids months ago, or oh no he's not walking yet have you talked to your pediatrician? Not every timeline matches every baby, but does that stop us from comparing ourselves to others or do we just continue to have that mommy guilt or that mommy shame that goes along with our child not "performing" like those around us.

I recently met with baby bug's teacher for a parent teacher conference and she pointed out that I use the phrase "mommy shame" often when telling her about things that aren't quite the norm and she reminded me that I don't need to feel that shame for any of my choices. Most recently I said I have to admit my mommy shame that Baby Bug os still taking a bottle of milk before going to bed at night. That's right my 16 month old who's gaining weight fine is eating solids fine is still on a bottle at night. I would be more ashamed of this but her teacher told me that I need to stop because sometimes we do what we have to do to survive. In the world of being a parent there is no "well I'm going to make you do this because I've got all the time in the world" it's "I'm going to let you do this because I'm exhausted or I'm going to do this for you because we need to go." We don't have an infinite timeline and we don't all operate on Toddler Time. And while that would be wonderful it's not realistic so we do what we have to do to survive.

Covered in Oreo because mom had a migraine and Baby Bug wouldn't stop screaming on the car ride home. 

Some days I wonder am I doing this right and man this is hard as hell, but then I'm reminded by somebody amazing who I work with or who I encounter in my life who reminds me that I am doing it right that I am doing a good job because what I'm doing is what my baby needs not what a book says she needs not what some timeline says she should be doing but I'm meeting her where she is and doing what we need to do for what's best for our family. While that may sound more selfish than helpful, and it probably is, it's what we do.  It's how we've made it through this last 16 months with some of our sanity still intact.

We need to stop stressing about having our child be the first to do this or the first to do that and just enjoy them as they are right now. And the same goes for how we are as moms, we need to stop comparing how we feel about being a mom to how others feel about being a mom. Some moms say that they are always happy about motherhood and that is great. Others are more my speed and love their children with every part of them, but can use a break every once in a while.

Our days are messy and imperfect and hard, but that doesn't mean I don't love this wild and crazy kid of mine!

Being a mom can be hard when you have a child that is a bit higher need; one who is waking up every few hours through the night for the entire first year (and for months beyond that), a child who is sick often or who has food allergies, or just a child who isn't immediately compliant at every turn and has an occasional meltdown in the middle of Target. And not always being happy during these times is ok. Feeling all done at the end of the day (or by lunchtime) is ok. And it's also ok and healthy to get out of the house and focus on you every once in a while. This can be hard to accept sometimes, especially with PPD or PPA, but it is the best way to stay sane during those hard times.

All of this to say, STOP COMPARING YOURSELF TO OTHER MOMS! And STOP COMPARING YOUR BABY TO OTHER BABIES! Yes, keep an eye on the developmental timelines and talk with your pediatrician if you are worried. But also remember that every child is different and things will happen when they happen. 

And most importantly, try to enjoy these moments with your child as they are right now. The days are long, but the years are short (one of my favorite things said about parenting). Your littles won't be little forever and it won't be this tough forever...I hope!